Birds, Bees, and Guppies
by AmyFawkes
Summary: A seven-year-old Tsuna is being taught about where babies come from. His parents have the brilliant idea of teaching him with fish as their examples but... things don't go as planned.


They would have to prepare for that inevitable day he would ask – that dreadful question, where everything could go wrong if they explained it incorrectly! The question… where do babies come from?

Tsuna was never really a curious child, and he didn't like to poke his nose into other's business. He preferred to stay to himself, and did his best to stay out of trouble. He was never a really bright kid, and that was probably because he never asked too many questions. He never really asked where his dad went all the time; he never asked if he could have a pet, he never asked for help even when he really needed it. He always tried to manage on his own, but there were some things that he had to ask. This had got to be one of them, right? He couldn't possibly figure it out on his own. He obviously wasn't smart enough for that.

It was one day that the seven-year-old had stopped in front of a pet shop, staring rather longingly into the store from the window. At the display window, the dogs were not at the front, which were the creatures that normally made Tsuna screech and run to mom's side for protection from those nasty playful fur-balls of joy. There was some kittens, meowing and pawing at the window, eyes pleading to be adopted.

But Tsuna wasn't one to ask for things. Instead, he turned and faced his parents, and was about ready to run and catch up with them when he noticed that they had stopped too. Nana smiled. "Tsu-kun, do you want a pet?" She asked with a sweet melodic voice. Tsuna, with wide eyes, was rather incredulous that they bothered to ask him. A smile crawled across his face as he nodded enthusiastically.

The family of three entered the store. Tsuna surveyed all of the creatures in wonder – the loud and scary dogs, the cute and fluffy kittens, the adorable bunnies, the beautiful birds, all of the fish in aquariums in the back, and even some turtles and other reptiles. A small, fluffy, round, bright yellow canary had caught his eye. He stared at it in wonder, and it stared back with a happy chirp and song.

However, his mother and father did not seem to notice his attraction to the bird. Instead, they started to lead him toward the back of the store, to the fish. He made a note to himself that maybe he could ask for the bird after they checked out all the other animals. Just maybe.

The Sawadas looked at all of the fish in wonder. Tsuna was busy trying to figure out how in the world they were flying in those tanks, with Nana laughing as she explained they were swimming. Tsuna looked like he got a little bit jealous – he always wanted to learn how to fly, maybe a bird could have taught him but these fish have all got down the art of flying, even underwater! Tsuna had no clue how to swim, either. He naively figured that a fishy might be able to teach him how to fly _and_ swim.

The seahorses caught his eye this time. Upon learning the creature's name, he asked if they turn into the big horses with four legs and go around on land too, and if that people could ride on seahorses. Nana was quite amused with his wonder. Although, his father said that they should get a goldfish, or some other fish so that Tsuna could practice taking care of pets before he got a seahorse. Tsuna simply nodded, not questioning his parent's judgment.

Iemitsu pulled Nana to the side as Tsuna continued to watch the seahorses swim around their tank. "Hey, Nana, we could use this to teach Tsuna about… the birds and the bees." His voice dropped in a low whisper, not like Tsuna would know what they were conversing about anyway.

She cocked her head. "What do you mean, dear?" She asked sweetly. She wasn't quite too sure about Iemitsu's plan – half the time his plans were really weird.

"Well, we can get Tsuna two fish, a girl and a boy, and he can learn how they reproduce! And he wouldn't have to learn all of the stuff about how the girl gets pregnant, just yet anyways." Iemitsu thought his plan was brilliant.

Nana wasn't too sure. "Well, I don't know… he would have to take care of lots of fish, in that case."

"It'll be fiiine! Trust me!" Iemitsu grinned, which swooned Nana into believing him.

The two of them turned to Tsuna, who was completely enchanted by the unique way the seahorses galloped. Iemitsu crouched down. "Have you decided what fish you want?"

"I want that one." Tsuna said rather quietly, pressing his finger against the glass of the seahorse's tank. He still wanted the birdy, but Iemitsu asked him what fish he wanted.

Iemitsu gave a hearty laugh. "What about the ones to practice on? We're going to get you two."

"Oh… two?" He frowned a little. He hadn't looked at any of the other fish! Turning just a little, his eyes landed on the tank full of guppies. Intrigued by their color, he skipped on over. He pointed at them dutifully. "The red and the yellow ones!"

"Good choice!" Iemitsu went to the counter and bought two guppies, making sure that they were opposite genders, and the family was on their way home with Tsuna carefully holding the bag of water in front of him, watching the two guppies fly around in amusement.

After a couple of weeks, with Tsuna actually working hard and keeping his new companions alive and well-fed, the guppy had gotten pregnant and soon had its babies. Tsuna had not stopped watching in wonder.

Soon afterwards, Iemitsu approached his son. "So Tsuna, what did you learn by watching the guppies?"

"They can fly, and they never land, ever!" He said, completely oblivious to what Iemitsu meant. "Taking care of them is a lot of hard work, too, but it's a lot of fun."

Iemitsu laughed. "What about when the guppies gave birth to the other little guppies?"

"The girl guppy gave birth to them," He said. Iemitsu seemed momentarily proud that his son learned what was intended, but then Tsuna continued. "And ate them."

He frowned. Oh gosh, that wasn't what Tsuna was supposed to learn _at all_. Oops.

Nana shot a look at Iemitsu. So much for his great plan! She stepped in. "Oh, Tsu-kun, mommies don't normally… uh, eat their babies. Just fishies do sometimes." Tsuna was a little bit confused. "Why don't we go back and get you those seahorsies you wanted, sweetie?" She said enthusiastically. Tsuna's confusion melted away into excitement as he nodded his head rapidly. Nana hoped the seahorses would prove a better example than Iemitsu's guppies.

So the family went to the pet store again and came home with a girl and a boy seahorse. Tsuna was beaming in delight as he watched them in their new tank.

"Now, maybe you'll learn how a mommy and a daddy have babies, without the babies being eaten." Nana smiled, confident that these would show Tsuna exactly what they meant to teach him.

After a couple of weeks, there were now many baby seahorses dashing around the aquarium. Tsuna giggled in delight at all of the tiny little baby fishes.

"Tsu-kun, dearie, what did you learn from the seahorses?" Nana inquired, somewhat excitedly.

Tsuna smiled in response, eager to give his report to his mom. "I learned that the daddy is the one that gets pregnant and gives birth to the all of the babies."

Oops.

Iemitsu frowned and Nana groaned. It seems they both had messed up.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I actually took this story from a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book that I was reading, hehe. I thought it was hilarious and so I decided to write it using Tsuna and his family, making it slightly more comedic. So perhaps now Tsuna is going to grow up thinking that he can get pregnant, wonderful isn't it? c:


End file.
